Am I paranoid and am I really that bad a person ?

You are not a bad person. It's not your fault you have had a bad childhood. Drugs was a bad decision but people do these things when they are in your situation. I think you might have some kind of anxiety linked to your mistrust of people. You need to see a therapist to make yourself better. You will feel SOOO much better after therapy. I don't know what will happen to you in the future. It's your future and you can shape it to however you want it. Just make the right decisions and you will be rewarded. I'm 18 years old.